Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time
by Ricky Pine
Summary: ***SPOILERS AHEAD FOR BOTH SUPERGIRL SEASON 2 AND THE FLASH SEASON 3. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.*** Mon-El returns to National City, but he and Kara won't get much time to themselves. Not when Barry Allen drops by out of the Speedforce and Alex and Winn have some surprises in store for everyone.


**A/N: This is a one-shot Karamel fic, unconnected to any of my other fics featuring Supergirl and/or The Flash. There will be significant spoilers for Season 2 of** ** _Supergirl_** **and Season 3 of** ** _The Flash_** **\- you've been warned!**

 **This story imagines Mon's return to Kara in** ** _Supergirl_** **Season 3, and also suggests that he may have met someone else who vanished from their respective Earth at the end of their own TV season. Someone who may have piggybacked onto him and accidentally conspired to disrupt a most happy reunion.**

 **If you're caught up on both** ** _Supergirl_** **and** ** _The Flash_** **, or otherwise aware of the events therein for both shows, then read ahead to your heart's content.**

 **And remember: though I still ship SuperFlash like nobody's business, there's more than enough room in my heart too for Karamel, those sweet space bunnies.**

 **Enjoy!**

 _ **DON'T THREATEN ME WITH A GOOD TIME**_

Weeks with nobody to keep me warm at night, even in the heart of a National City summer, went by too slowly for my liking. Now, though, it feels like those weeks might only have been a day or two, now that Mon's come back at last and we're losing no time cuddling. The only question was, his place or mine? We decided on his only because we always mostly spent time at mine before, but now's as good a time as any to have a change of pace. A little moment of peace, too, before the rest of our DEO friends eventually learn that he's come back to us.

He's spent hours and hours talking about the sweet and the sour, not to sound _too_ Ed Sheeran-ish. Let's face it, he's got a ton more story to tell about his time away. He's still not 100% sure where it was he went - something about a wormhole swallowing him up along with his pod - and it took him so many places, he ultimately lost count.

There's one place he didn't really forget, though. "Kind of a weird purgatory," he says. "It was like, all I could see were the ghosts of my parents and the Prince's Guard and a bunch of Daxamite soldiers. And a guy who said he was my brother, but he looked more like me in the mirror on a bad day."

"So, basically, Kai Parker," I say with a laugh.

"Whoever that is," Mon says. "But there was this other guy who helped me..." His voice trails off, and his fingers trail up my side. "He kinda knew his way around. This purgatory place wasn't his first rodeo." He looks proud of himself - Winn's taught him well. "So he kept me safe for a while until I got a chance to move on from there. Told me to just ignore the ghostly things 'cause they had nothing but ill will for me and stuff."

"He sounds like a sweet-" I stop when I see a blue light swirling above the floor between the bed and the door. It looks similar to the light in which Mon's pod came crashing down onto the roof again, just like it did almost a year ago, but a lighter shade of blue. And smaller. And revealing not a pod, but just a person. One I actually know pretty well.

I sit bolt upright. "Barry? What the...what are you doing here?" My six-foot-plus super-friend sprawls on the floor, then jumps back to his feet faster than even my eye can follow. Behind him, the light vanishes. "How did you get here?"

"I was..." He blinks rapidly and looks around. "Oh man, I got this so wrong, didn't I? Stupid Speedforce screwing with my head..."

While Barry mutters to himself and tries to figure out what's happening too, I turn to Mon and say, "I'm starting to wonder what's going on on his Earth if he needs us." Mon doesn't respond, just stares at Barry with wonder. "What?"

"Oh, I didn't tell you?" Mon scratches the heavy stubble he's been growing in his absence, a stubble I sincerely hope he keeps, actually. "Barry was the guy I met in that purgatory place."

"What, you mean the Speedforce?" Barry asks with a crooked smile.

"Yeah, that. Hell ain't empty, brother. All the devils were in our heads down there."

Barry snickers into his hand. "Why the hell did I show you those Shakespeare plays? I don't understand half of them myself, and I'd like to think I'm a smart guy."

"Make your own hell torture?" Mon suggests.

"Yeah, something like that."

"Wait, whoa, back up!" I spread my arms, fully aware that in my purple shirt, I look like some kind of emoji. "Barry, what's happened to you? You were in the Speedforce? How'd you get in there? Why were you in there?"

"It's a...well, it's a long story," Barry says. "Had to put my wedding on hold-"

I gasp. "You're getting married?"

"To the wrong woman, I might add," Mon butts in. "I still think you've got better chemistry with the frosty-freezy girl, but that's just me-"

I glare at him until he quiets down. "Barry, you...wow, everyone's having such a great life these days, and me, I've just been stuck wallowing in my own-" Then we all jump as Alex bursts into the room, gun drawn, a couple of DEO soldiers backing her up.

Mon's the first to recover his senses - and his wit. "Did we _all_ conspire to surprise Kara today or what?"

Alex stows her weapon. "You didn't conspire with me, Daxamite. When were you gonna tell us you were back? Or was that...that's what we were investigating on top of Kara's building. Should've known you'd take her to your place instead." She looks around and takes notice of Barry, who's uncharacteristically still like he's playing the Mannequin Challenge. "Oh hi, Barry. What's up? Dominators threatening your world again? Or maybe zombie super-corpses?" She gives him a light punch to his arm - or she tries to, but he backs away, all the way to the other end of the room like he teleported there. "Super speed reflexes still good."

"Awe...and some, am I right?" Mon reaches over me to bump fists with Barry.

"Anyway..." Alex reaches into her pocket and twirls her key fob around her fingertip. "Now I got a chance to try out this little doohickey Winn gave me. Hope it works." She holds up what looks like a miniature emergency flashlight, the kind you click to produce a small but very powerful light beam. "In whatever language is your first, say cheese!"

"Cheese!" Mon says. "Only 'cause we never really had cheese on Daxam. Closest we had was...whoaholyshit!"

He's not the only one swearing after Alex clicks the toy and the bedroom around us vanishes, replaced with the DEO lobby and Winn wheeling forward, on a tray, a cake with the word "SURPRISE!" printed on its red surface in blue letters.

"You knew I was here all along, didn't you?" Mon beams at everyone. Especially me, I think, even though I of course had nothing to do with this party planning and he must know it. For which I feel like a tool, actually.

"Damn right we knew!" Alex winks.

"Well, as long as I'm stuck here," Barry says, "might as well share in the revelry, huh?" He drapes his arm over Mon's shoulders, and Mon looks up at him with eyes so starry I almost wish he were saving them for me.

"Oh, but first..." Winn reaches under the cake to pull out a pile of thread, which he unfolds to reveal what can only be a supersuit. Red, with a blue cape, the inverse of my own suit.

Mon and I gasp simultaneously. "No way!" I say, my voice louder than I intended.

"I thought I was gonna get this thing months ago!" Mon says as Winn presses the suit into his hands.

"You were, but the material was a long time coming..." Winn rubs his neck nervously. "And besides, it was a labor of love, really. A guy as valorous as you deserves the best working supersuit this geekboy can build you!"

I pout playfully at Winn. "Better than mine? I hope not!"

"Well, I-I-I can give you an upgrade if you want-"

"If it's gonna take as long as you did for this one," I laugh, "just start from scratch."

Even with cake passed around and Winn and Barry challenging us to a karaoke-off, though, Mon and I quickly need to break away from the party and head upstairs to the nearest observation deck. But first, we hit the locker rooms to change into our supersuits. It's still dark out - the sun doesn't rise for another couple of hours - but in the deck's lighting, the colors on Mon's suit and mine both stand out so much more.

"Oh look," I say, pointing to Mon's chest. "Winn even put a tiny little House of El crest on there."

"Huh?" He looks down, as if seeing it for the first time. "So he did. Hmm. I like it. Although..." He laughs to himself.

"What?"

"I was just thinking...you know, 'cause Bar was supposed to get married before he wound up having to go into the Speedforce - which, by the way, is a great big bag of dicks-"

"Are you saying you wanna marry me?"

That shuts Mon right up, except for a long, drawn-out "Uhhhhh..."

"I mean, if you do, you don't have to get down on one knee and propose to me," I laugh. "I'm a modern Supergirl, and you're a modern...Superdude?"

"I was thinking my superhero name should be Valor," says Mon. "Like Winn said. He called me 'valorous.' Nobody's thought that of me before. Well, besides you, you're just too sweet to say it out loud and embarrass me-"

I lean out and kiss him on the mouth. "You're a beautiful man, Mon-El. And beautifully complicated. Maybe someday I _would_ marry you, and we'd have Daxtonian babies together-"

"'Daxtonian?' You just made that up on the spot?"

"Let me finish. Someday I-"

On the streets below us, alarms ring out suddenly, and we hear, far away, the sound of glass breaking. Tons of glass, the plate kind too, I'm thinking.

Mon reaches out and takes my hand for just a moment. "What say we catch a bad guy or two, huh? The first official team-up of Supergirl and Valor?"

I take one step onto the railing, then gracefully spread my arms and fall over the edge. "Race you to the ground, Daxamite!"

"No fair, Kryptonian!" Mon's laugh tickles my ears even through the wind rushing behind me as I soar over the city, my boyfriend right behind me where he belongs.


End file.
